Ever find yourself at a bit of a crossroads? This quote just came to mind as I think and pray about what to write:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I finally know what this quote refers to. I’m in a work role that feels completely unfulfilling. At the end of every day, I feel relieved its over. The only thing getting me up to go to work is knowing there’s stability. There’s this false sense of security in this job, nothing of this earth is forever. The job itself, its basically going nowhere and/or a dead end unless I move.

So here I am praying about what it would take to take a step back from the trajectory I’m currently on; one of safety, predictability and comfort. Do I take the leap? Is Jesus saying to me, “Come” as He beckons me out of the boat onto the water? Do I trust Him enough to catch me if I sink?

The truth is it’s painful to remain tight in the bud. I’m not spreading my pedals to catch the sunlight so to speak, I’m just all cramped up here at my computer desk, day in, day out. (Again, I’m just being honest, not really complaining as I do feel really blessed to have the role I have now)…

To remain ‘tight in the bud’ is to remain safe. It’s to have the next 20 years of my life, my time, my days, my energy, my LIFE! Do I want to be doing what I’m doing for the next 20 years? I can’t honestly answer that.

To remain ‘tight in the bud’ is to remain in a period of stagnant growth. My role is currently remote, with little to no opportunity to move upwards/sideways/backwards lol. I’m stuck. I feel stuck, but not directionless.

Which brings me to this: To remain ‘tight in the bud’ requires no risk at all, but an incredible amount of reliance on God to sustain me there. It is mundane, but doesn’t lack direction, I know where I would be in 20 years. But is my heart on fire with purpose? Am I living up to my fullest potential in Christ? Am I blossoming?

The risk it takes to blossom means counting the costs. I would lose my life to keep it. I would sacrifice all these things: safety, security/clear direction and little risk and less room to grow. It’s painful. It’s exhausting.

On the altar, I choose to trust. Will I trust God completely to walk out of the boat and join Jesus on the water….will I remain at the status quo with little to no professional growth, or do I “rise up, pick up my mat and walk!”

This I do know for certain: I was born for such a time as this and in this season, I will do things I didn’t think I could do.

I’ve been here before, and its scary. But I’m reminded of the words of Jesus Himself in Matthew 10:³⁸ “Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹ Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”

Full quote by Anais Nin.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

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